There’s this feeling like I should know what to do, what to say, what to write, and yet, I find myself pausing to act on it.
It feels so familiar, like being welcomed home on a sunny afternoon, and yet, as daunting as the stormy sky. I found myself avoiding it—though it was constantly running through my mind eager to breathe life back into my craft.
I took a 6 month hiatus from creating. And as someone who knows she’s meant to write, put pen to paper (or fingers to a keyboard), and create something from nothing, it felt like I was slowly suffocating. I could argue that my life became busy. I could argue that work has taken every bit of my energy lately. Or even that I’ve been fully booked the last 6 months without enough time to simply sit, sip on coffee, plug in my headphones, and hit play on a meditation playlist while I let words flow through me onto the screen. I could…but that wouldn’t be quite true. Sure, life’s been busy, work’s been long, and we’re more social than ever it seems like these days. But that’s not what kept me from doing something God clearly placed on my heart to do. The truth?
I was scared.
Scared to get started again…scared I lost my “touch”; my words were no longer relevant today and I was no longer needed; my craft was no longer needed.
Isn’t that what the devil wants? He wants you and I to fail, to second guess, to hesitate on what God has so clearly lined in our path. “You aren’t good enough” he wispers, or “you really aren’t inspiring, humble yourself girl”, and slowly but surely that little seed of doubt starts to grow; to freeze creation; to bring death and destruction from the life God designed.
I was hesitant of what others would think about me publishing again. I was frozen in limbo…knowing what’s been placed in my heart and doubting it all the more.
But if I was scared, that must have meant that I cared what others thought about me; thought about my writing. And if I cared about what others thought about my writing, I was hindering what God has placed on my heart. And if I was hindering what God placed on my heart, that meant I was hindering a talent He handcrafted for me to spread His good works.
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared us in advance to do”
Ephesians 2:10
So, here I am, taking the leap of faith…again. And it feels so freeing to be able to write for Him and to share His good works and good deeds and to inspire those caught in limbo who, like me, are unsure of where to turn or how to get out of this rut.
But I didn’t get this courage alone. I didn’t wake up one morning and decide that now was the time, all doubt healed, let’s create!
There were little “nudges” along the way. From family asking what happened to writing or a distant used-to-be-coworker reaching out saying she misses my craft. There were hopeful moments of getting a new journal and my husband encouraging me to write if anything to just get words on a page. There were hopeful silent prayers asking God to light my life on fire for Him again and to speak life back into my art.
Exodus 31:1-11 shares the story of Bezalel, son of Uri, and in it, the Lord shares with Moses that He has specifically chosen Bezalel to create artistic designs for the Tabernacle. Likewise, He shares that Oholiab’s purpose is to help him every step of the way and to lead skilled workers to create everything God has commanded the two of them to create for the Tabernacle. Though this is a short exerpt in the book of Exodus, it’s a clear representation of the way God intends each person to create in their uniquely designed way for the glory of His Kingdom.
The two of them, with the help of the skilled workers, got the job done to build a sacred temple that would lead directly into the next exerpt of the Sabbath. Without these workers, there would be no Tabernacle. Without the Tabernacle, there would be no Holy place where the people would feel safe to worship our Lord. Without this safe place, they would be lost.
Do you see the connection? Today’s modern era will claim this as the butterfly effect…one cause leading to another that led to another. And this would be accurate. There’s another term for it for believers; it’s called God’s Providence. Both are one in the same but in Christ, there’s nothing that has happened by accident. Nothing. We have choices we make day in and day out, and with those choices, we create a lasting impact if not for generations to come. This is shown all throughout the Bible, where because of the “thing” set on someone’s heart, it created a ripple effect for their children, and their children’s children, and their children’s children….
So, I ask you this…what is it in your heart that you have yet to act upon? Or maybe you have acted upon it and, like me, you froze up and hesitant to get started again? What’s God placed on your heart that will create a ripple effect for generations to come?
God’s Providnce is intentional. He specifically designed you for a reason, with gifts for a reason, and while you may not know what that reason is just quite yet, I want to encourage you to reach out to the person on your heart, or pick up the paintbrush and make the first stroke of color. Get the sketchbook. Sign up for the poetry reading. Volunteer as tribute at kareoke night. Buy the mic, set up the podcast, open up your laptop and type.
Though your gift might feel insignificant, God has a divine purpose for each and every one of you. He never meant for it to grow in your heart only for it to die there as well.
Your God-given gift is not small. It’s not insignificant. It’s not worthless.
“To the dreamer with dusty journals and hopeful eyes…dreams don’t expire just because they’ve been delayed. And hope doesn’t disappear just because it’s been quite for a while.”
-Letters of Anna Win
You are meant for so much more. Imagine what could happen if you decided to act on what He’s placed on your heart? Imagine the lasting effect you’ll make for genreations to come simply because you decided to stop playing small and dream the God-given dream.
As for me? Well…I’m back baby and it feels so good to follow in His footsteps once again.
Simply Blooming Grace 